Why can’t I solve my own problems?

I’ve spent my life trying to solve many of my own problems. It hasn’t worked. In fact, it seems the harder I try the more I fail. Why is that?

There’s a paradox often called the law of reversed effort. The harder you try, the worse things get. Problem + great solving effort = bigger problem. It is perplexing, I know.

Sometimes, trying harder is like being stuck in quicksand and struggling to get out, only to find yourself sinking deeper. The ironic method of getting out of quicksand is to relax, lean back. In other words, become more restful. Lying back and making slow movements with your legs will help loosen quicksand.

Thrashing and struggling—exerting great effort—will tighten the grip and trap you in quicksand or, worse yet, pull you deeper.

I’ve spent too much time trying to escape life’s quicksand traps and not enough time lying back and relaxing, engaging the slow and steady solution.

Trust God. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Follow Jesus.

Trust.

Listen.

Follow.

I am by no means speaking about laziness or no effort at all. I am talking about a less self-sufficient and exerted effort and a more trusting and laid-back effort. Less worry, more trust.

Philippians 4:6 — “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”

Here’s the truth: many of our problems in life are out of our control. Or, at least out of our direct control, like finding an immediate increase in money to pay off mounting debt. It is not often people find a quick solution to this common problem. The lottery works for very (very-very) few people. And get rich quick schemes sound too good to be true because they are. Untrue.

Money is just one example—but it’s an easy one to recognize.

My mom used to say, “There’s too much month at the end of the money.” I have found this to be true in my life. But in my hustle to increase my income—and quickly—I’ve found myself sinking more deeply into debt.

Effort can backfire. It has to be balanced with rest. For me, that equates to trusting in God. This effort, which is less effort and more surrender, is the key to floating to the surface in life’s quicksand traps.

In other words, stop striving. This is so. hard. for. me.

I was raised with “Good, better, best, never let it rest til the good is better and the better best.” That is the opposite of relax. The opposite of rest. It is a burn out before you rust out mentality.

With absolutely no room for letting go and letting God.

So today, as I recline in the quicksand and let the buoyancy of the Holy Spirit in me leverage me out of the trap, I rest.

Rest + trust = I’m not sure yet what the outcome will be. But I’m practicing this way of life. This following Jesus more closely and trusting in God as if my life depends on it (since in reality my life does depend on God whether it seems so or not).

And the outcome will be what it will be. What I am utterly disinterested in is the struggle to break free only to sink deeper.

Here’s the truth I’ve experienced in my nearly 60 years on the planet. I’ve had problems, large and small. The times I’ve worked my butt off in self-sufficiency to solve them, some got better and others didn’t—and I became exhausted. The times I’ve worked to surrender, ask God for help, and rest in His capable arms, some of my problems were solved and others weren’t. But I did not become exhausted. I had peace in the problems and peace in the solutions.

And I don’t think for a minute God has no desire to solve my problems. But many of them aren’t mechanical. They need to be walked through. And I don’t see things as God does or understand them as He does. So I am left with a choice: do I want to relax as I walk through this problem and trust God, or do I want to struggle my way through in my own effort? Self-reliance is exhausting.

And I’m tired of being tired.

This world will not stop issuing problems. And frankly, it is the problems of life that have been my greatest teachers. I wish there was an easier way, but for me I’ve not found one. I learn things in the valleys.

And I’ve learned to stop asking if there will be more valleys. Of course there will be. I live in the world!

It isn’t a question of “Will we walk through valleys?” but a question of “With whom will we walk through the valleys?”

For me, I will walk with Jesus through the valleys. He is my chosen Guide, and He is the way to have peace in the valley.

Peace in the valley. Doesn’t that sound nice?

So I relax my shoulders. Take a deep breath. I say, “Today, I choose to trust You, God. I choose to rest and let You work on the problems in my life.”

And I feel buoyant.