Psalm 38

Notes from Psalm 38

This Psalm has to do with sin and confession. A cry to God.

It is unclear if the confession in this Psalm has to do with general sin in David’s life or a specific sin, perhaps his sins with Bathsheba and Uriah (read about it in 2 Samuel 11). There is a petition to the Lord not to rebuke David in His anger. David said God’s arrows pierced him and God’s hand came down on him.

Because of God’s wrath there was no health in David’s body, his bones. This was because of David’s sin. He was overwhelmed with guilt and could not carry the heavy burden. (I’ve experienced that!)

The weight of David’s sin has caused him health problems: searing pain in his back, feeble and feeling crushed; a pounding heart; weakness. And it seems he was emotionally numb: Psalm 38:13-14, “But I, like a person who is deaf, do not hear; And I am like a person who cannot speak, who does not open his mouth. Yes, I am like a person who does not hear, And in whose mouth are no arguments.”

David waits for God. He confesses: Psalm 38:18, “For I admit my guilt; I am full of anxiety because of my sin.”

A cry for God to rescue him: Psalm 38:21-22, “Do not abandon me, Lord; My God, do not be far from me! Hurry to help me, Lord, my salvation!”

My Takeaway

I get it.

I’ve been in this place of sick from sin. It’s been my sin, the sins of others… and the devastation in its wake is terrible.

I was especially struck by Psalm 38:13-14, “But I’m deaf and mute to it all, ears shut, mouth shut. I don’t hear a word they say, don’t speak a word in response.”

Those verses remind me of a time I was broken by divorce and a subsequent relationship that was tumultuous and also ended. I had not even healed from separating from my husband when I jumped into another relationship. So hungry for attention and love. And it was a passionate and volatile relationship where, in my marriage, I had felt unloved for many years.

It seems a human will sometimes choose a damaging life over no life at all. Dirty water when thirst is great.

I moved from dehydration to drinking dirty water.

In the wake of all that loss, I did begin to see more clearly my own mistakes amid those of others. But that clarity did not come before the deaf, mute, unresponsive state of Psalm 38.

I had about three months of deep depression and darkness. Utterly crushed. My heart was shattered. Really, it had been breaking for years, but the weight of so much loss finally smashed it to bits.

It was here God reached down. I looked up. And healing began to take place.

There had been some healing prior to this. Within marriage I sought God for my many heartaches and He sustained me, helped me. I had gone through much ministry and counseling for childhood trauma. My understanding grew. My ability to take responsibility for my own sinfulness expanded. But after my three months as a deaf and mute hollow woman, the healing that took place was tremendous and began a new chapter in my life.

A chapter of wholeness and joy and life as I’d never experienced it.

It was Jesus.

I stopped blaming and started blessing.

I stopped being a victim and started forgiving.

I stopped demanding things of this world that this world could not deliver. Like peace and security. I discovered these things were only sustainable in Jesus. Lasting in Jesus. Forever in Jesus.

He gave me a new heart. He restored my life. And He continues to lead me on a path of goodness to this day. Transforming me. Teaching me.

Loving me.

And had I not suffered loss as I did, I might still be living a half-life like a spent fuel rod. In a dry cask of a body, removed from real living but not dead. Inefficient in an environment that was becoming more toxic with time.

But I did suffer loss.

And I did become shattered.

And I did look up.

And Jesus—who had saved me many years before—saved me again. And in a different way. This wasn’t the salvation of my soul (that was a one and done deal), it was the salvation of how I live life on earth, the renewal of my heart.

It was the restoration of my spirit.

Eyes open. Heart open. Life opened up to whatever God has in store for me.

Yes, there is still loss. Yes, there is still pain. But with this healing inside and newness of life in me—Jesus joy and knowing how loved I am and how much help I have in the Lord—I no longer need to depend on this life’s circumstances for healing, purpose, and wholeness.

Me + Jesus = wholeness. (Hey, Jesus alone = wholeness but I can’t leave myself out of the equation!)

And I wonder how I ever managed to live any other way.